Such a Time

Here we are. Enclosed by an invisible force wrecking havoc upon the mind and challenging the heart. An enemy floating within and without our walls. Replacing our vibrant lives with colorless fear all while stripping away our individual and collective dignity. We find ourselves fenced in, “for such a time as this.”

It’s an interesting call to action, “for such a time as this”*, but what is this phrase really calling us to do? Originally it was stated in a scolding manner to a young woman. She was being challenged by her uncle to take into consideration all that lay beyond herself. Her location and position in society were called into question by having her reflect on what it truly is that she is called to do. Esther’s uncle was reminding her that she was chosen to set aside her self interests and step up to face uncertainty and a looming enemy head on. She didn’t create her circumstances. She didn’t desire to be involved. She didn’t even think she could make a difference. But Esther realized she was part of a much larger story line and knew that as a follower of the one true God, she had been created and given the voice for such a time as this.

The oppressive beast of today may look different from what Esther faced, but it stems from the same brokenness of humanity. And so we are still left to ask ourselves, “What have we been called for?” It’s a good question, but it’s also a hard question. It’s easy to be a follower of something when all is well, but what about when life is full of uncertainties and revulsion? What about when monstrous systemic viruses rear their ugly head?

As a follower of the one true God, there is little option of what we must do. We may not be the final voice that slays the beast, but we are all called to speak out in truth as we do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with God.** And we are called to this action, for such a time as this.

 

* Esther 4:14

**Micah 6:8

 

Don’t Put Stickers On The Cat

 

Do you ever see what you’re saying? I mean really stop and soak in the things that come out of your mouth, then pause and reflect upon what you’ve just said? I’m not entirely sure what this communicates about myself, however in the past week I’ve heard unusual phrases uttered, such as “Don’t put stickers on the cat.” bursting forth from my mouth. It seems common sense to me that one should not put sticky adhesive things all over a hairy creature, yet those were the words I heard myself say. I can concede that curiosity was the motivating force behind the sticker scenario, but what about this phrase?

“Don’t jump on your brother’s head.”

And how many times must it be said before the message is understood? Apparently, my attempts to leave a lasting impression are not readily grasped. Ok, I’ll admit, the jumping was probably more about curiosity again. Or perhaps, “Don’t put the diaper pail on your head. It’s not a helmet.” Or “Don’t stretch out your brother’s underwear. Get it off your head.”  Or “Don’t put the lollipop back in your mouth.” after it fell sticky side down in the ant infested dust. And then there’s yesterday’s fun little exchange, “Don’t talk about poop in public.” Michael’s retort, in much too loud of a voice was, “But Papa. You’re talking about poop right now.” We were standing in the middle of the grocery store with a plethora of people around us watching out of either curiosity or some strange sense of humor. Or both.

As I hear what I’m saying, I see what I’m communicating. Naturally, my intentions are to instruct and keep the house from falling apart, but I’m not sure my intentions are as visible as I think. Of course if one should fail to notice a pattern there is always evidence of the sickening realization that the message was misinterpreted when you hear your own words boomerang upon you or others.

“Joshua. The Bible says to listen to your elders. I’m your elder. So don’t move around so much. And don’t take my pillow. And don’t keep pulling the blanket.”

See the theme? At least Michael got a little rationale woven into the message, right? He took the theme “Don’t” that I provided, and polished it with a little biblical wording. Given his tone and delivery I find it hard to believe that he was truly trying to better his brother with instruction on the proper way to go to sleep. Furthermore, I seriously doubt the two-year old learned anything other than “don’t” from that little interaction. All the right wording does nothing to change the motives that lie underneath the surface.

“But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.” Matthew 15:18

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10

To Follow

 

Benjamin read the sign and questioned whether or not this was wise but after being assured by the guide, he followed. What once was beautiful green grass had turned to a dirty brown path from all the followers.

Some of us have been taught to disregard established signs and encouraged to make our own paths. Others of us are taught to always obey them in spite of personal thoughts that may differ. Still others are taught to differentiate, going back and forth, based on an intricate internal system of ethics. And each of us grows up thinking the way of life around us is normal.

I’m sure the migratory creatures of the world never question why they are compelled to propel themselves in front of the waiting crocodile. Going with the herd often feels wisest regardless of where they are going. Sometimes following for the sake of following is not right. Although the boys are growing up in a transitional tribe where normal is a mix of locations, cultures, and the typical state or condition of things is as solid as liquid, they are not blind followers. Like crossing zebra and wildebeest they do not question the moments of chaos and obstacles that may arise in their path. Chaos and obstacles are normal. However, unlike the seemingly blind migratory creatures, we can question to make sure we are not flinging ourselves in front of metaphorical crocodiles. Even so, being a follower can be costly.

Following through life’s rapids, magically appearing obstacles, and plummeting waterfalls are never fun. However, all are navigable with the right guide. When you know you’re following a purpose and headed in the right direction the departures and river crossings of life are merely normal. And as hard as it is to step away from the herd mentality, it can be done.

It’s been said that a smooth stone has endured many tumbles in order to be considered smooth. There are times when this is exactly how we feel our lives are developing. Our paths are naturally full of trials and obstacles, but it is in the chaos of the moment that our character stands to make the decision of which path to follow. Which guide we choose. The path may be narrow. The path may be wide. However, unlike the animal kingdom, we have a say in which path to follow. But without a purposeful end in sight it is nothing but a foray into the heart of darkness.

The Middle

“Somewhere between who I am and who I use to be. Somewhere in the middle you’ll find me.”

Sometimes the details seem fuzzy. Sometimes the words are vague. Yet somehow we know there is depth in the message regardless of the surrounding haze. The word carries power. So it was when I received a text message from Jacinta. Although details wallowed in murkiness the message rang out loud and clear. I had just seen her late Friday afternoon as she left my house having spent the day talking, singing, and cleaning. She had been in a particularly jovial mood and Joshua was happy to be held by her and dance around in delight. She had laughed at Joshua’s attempts for food and as always we spoke of several topics about God’s guidance and compassion. As so often I do I uttered the words “take care” as she left. Words intended to convey a sentiment of friendliness and support.

When the text came through mid afternoon on Sunday, I had to read it several times to grasp specific meaning or nuances of the words. When money is involved, and there is always a shortage of it, a text message can be quite concise. Straining to make sense of the message, the day seemed to slow while thoughts intensified their swirling. These could not be the words of the same lady who entered our house and lives each week. The author of the text seemed to be distant from the happiness I had last seen surrounding Jacinta. I checked with three people to make sure I was reading it correctly. Sometimes we can read emotions into words that were not intended. My attempts to make sense of the senseless fell in vain. Had her phone been stolen? Was this even her? There are plenty of cons throughout Nairobi these days and identity theft is a common pursuit by many. While helping was what my heart leapt towards, caution was how my hand responded. What do you say and how, or to what degree, do you help in a situation where life and death are part of the equation? In talking to Jacinta she told me through tears of how her son and oldest daughter had been kidnapped on their way home from school. Now they, along with 12 other children, were being held for ransom. Death was promised if payment was not met.

“Somewhere between my heart and my hand. Somewhere between my faith and my plans. Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves…Somewhere in the middle you’ll find me.”

Raw bi-polar emotions, sickening churning stomachs, with heightened and frayed nerves can not even begin to do justice to my feelings, let alone those of a mother whose children have been kidnapped. Flurries of phone calls, prayer chains passionate in pursuit, faith in a Savior that is unwavering, yet desperately holding onto a hope that His will is your will. When you’re in the middle of selling your worldly possessions, inherited family land, and begging anyone who will listen for money, desperation starts to become a deafening voice. I’m sure that words of comfort without visible action can seem meaningless. Perhaps my words of “I’m praying” were easier to swallow. Talking with a mother the day payment is due, yet who is still desperately searching and pleading for money to save her children, is not an easy place to be.

“Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control?” 

“Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense. Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle.”

Finding myself stuck in the middle of a mother and her kidnapped children you can’t help but hear the heart crying out in pained compassion. In a twisted, albeit enlightening, moment of character development, I found myself stepping in to teach a class about how our actions, the fruit of our beliefs, identify and define us. Explaining how our character ultimately leads to our behavior, and our behavior will point either towards the true Word that heals and cleanses our hearts or else it will point to self-absorption, I wrestled not only with my words but also my deeds. Saying you love your neighbor and actually loving your neighbor are not the same.

How often do we rationalize our positions digging deep into ourselves? Do we wash our hands stepping away when the road in front of us seems more than we can bear? Talking with Jacinta it was clear that in spite of the wretched and inhumane circumstances of the place she now found herself, she continued to stand on the word of God. Her understanding that God had not left her side held fast. There are and will be times when we are all caught in the middle, “Between the darkness and the light.” It is not our words that will be weighed. Only where we stand.

“With eyes wide open to the differences, the god we want and the God who is. But will we trade our dreams for His? Or are we caught in the middle?”

***

Afterward:

All 14 children were released, including both of Jacinta’s, after a week in captivity. Please pray for her children and family as they continue to undergo counseling for the psychological trauma they have survived. The effects of being caught in the middle run deep and long.

 

All quotes in italics from:

—Somewhere in the Middle by Casting Crowns on their album “The Altar And The Door”