How Father Felt

“Come back here, you scallywag!”

“I’m not a scallywag and you’ll never catch me. Aa-ha ha!”

Riding bikes as fast as they dared, cackling with laughter, pushing parameters. . . oh, the boys are back in rare form. It’s good to see them grow in independence and brotherly bonding, but I couldn’t help but wonder where this new-found freedom will eventually take them. Not long ago they called on me to walk with them pushing their little bikes, ready to catch them when their wobble became too uncomfortable. Now as they zoom away from me, with the occasional fly-by seeing how close they can come to my toes without running over them, all I can do is wonder, in admiration and horror, as they discover their innately given free will.

They are learning to decipher right from wrong, however, with free will comes the ability to intentionally choose wrong. And they do. The younger more so than the older. With a gleam in his eye, I can see him weighing the options and deciding if he can live with the consequences. I go through a range of feelings as I watch this play out. Heart wrenching when they turn away, but pure joy when they return to relationship.

 

They know of the father’s love. They understand that they can return to be in the father’s presence at anytime they choose. They know they can not save themselves but can be saved by the father. They understand the father will come when called. They also know sin.

And so, here I sit contemplating how Father felt amidst echoes of “Papa look at me. Look how fast I’m going.” “Papa, I don’t need your help. I can do it by myself.”