Letting God be God

I wouldn’t say that this is profound by any means, as if anything I write might be, however, I found it profoundly enlightening for me at this moment in my life. Last night at roughly 2:00 in the morning as our youngest screamed to be held, a deeper undestanding of humanity struck me. Michael, who seems to be perpetually teething, woke me and just needed to be held. It’s almost as if he just needed to know that he was loved. After teething medicine had long since kicked in, and he was well past comfortable he kept fighting me as I held him. He didn’t want to be in his bed alone. He didn’t want to be in our bed. He didn’t want to be anything but held firmly knowing that he was safe and secure. But, he wanted to be held on his own terms. He wanted to control his security. So there I was holding him in the cradle position in the dark of night and he kept trying to reposition my arms. As soon as I would slightly oblige him he would change his mind and want me to readjust. In the darkness it was almost as if we were doing this kind of dance of control. While I was certainly stronger and more knowledgeable about what would and would not be safe positions to hold him he didn’t care. It was very much a self-centered behavior. Michael only wanted what he wanted regardless of the outcome or possible dangers of being held with one hand at a precarious angle.

Again, this is not a new thought, but isn’t this just like what we do with God? I’m not sure about you, but I struggle, wrestle, and often fight for control of “my” life. I can do nothing without God’s gracious mercy but yet I still in effect am saying to God, “No, just hold me and take care of me in this way.” “No, just do it my way.” “NO! I want to be God.” My head knowledge tells me that I am not in control but my actions say “Let me try it on my own God. I can be you.”

There seems to be some aspect of humanity that causes us all to scream out in the night, “Help! I need divine intervention right now! But, I want it my way!” Call it selfishness, pride, or whatever you want, but just like Michael learned last night once you let go and give in to the one in control, life is much better. Yes, Micheal’s teeth still hurt him but I could see and feel the peacfulness that he had as he finally relaxed and let me take care of him. This is my goal, or perhaps my challenge, with God. Truly relax in His caring arms knowing that regardless of the circumstances he does know best and will take care of me.

Living life in new ways…

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Our big move to Kenya took place in July.  So, what have the past two months been like????  Perhaps the best way to sum it all up would be learning to live life in new ways. For instance…

•     Learning how to shop for furniture on the side of the road and make due with a plastic table and blanket until our table, chairs, and couches were ready. We were so excited to finally have furniture near the end of August!

•    Learning how to wash and sterilize things with water that we can’t drink. We’ve got a system down now, but it took a while to get into the swing of things.

•     Learning what to do when the power goes out every other day (or so) and being creative when we lost water for over a week. The great news with power is that most of the time when our main power goes out, we have a back-up generator that powers a few lights and 2 outlets. Yes, we have a HUGE extension cord to plug in the fridge or washing machine when this happens.

•    Learning how to drive in a CRAZY driving culture. People have compared Kenyan driving to Super Mario Kart on steroids, but bumper cars would be another great comparison. It’s not unusual to find ourselves completely boxed in by cars from all directions because someone was trying to go the wrong way down a road. Side note: Benjamin has started playing with his toy cars in the same way – apparently he’s been taking notes from his car seat.

•     Learning that everything just takes longer. Whether it’s checking out at the grocery store, to a 12 minute drive that becomes 45 minutes, or just a simple errand that becomes an “adventure,” everything just takes longer. Tim’s decided that it’s best to have only one goal per day to accomplish.

•     Learning about the incredibly friendly Kenyan culture. After years of living in East Asia, we’re not used to striking up conversations with strangers that we pass. We’re also not used to making eye contact and inquiring all about a stranger’s family as we talk. However, here, taking the time to really talk to people and making eye contact while you do it is important. Kenyan people LOVE to talk to the boys though. While this was a huge shock at first (especially for Benjamin), we’re all settling in and Benjamin is waving hi and shaking hands with people more and more each day.

•     Learning how to pay bills in totally different ways. A lot of bills are paid through cell phones here because they are more consistent throughout the country than banks. While this is not a difficult process, it’s just different. We also often have to call to find out how much we owe because our actual bills never arrive.

•     Appreciating seeing GREEN everywhere, hearing BIRDS chirp throughout the day, and admiring God’s creation with the many animals we see here and there – especially around the school. We even got to enjoy feeding giraffes at a nearby giraffe sanctuary in July.

•     Appreciating the diversity of cultures present in Nairobi and the presence of English everywhere. This is the first time we’ve lived in an English-speaking country (other than visiting the states) in 11 years and really appreciate being able to read packages, understand directions, and talk with people when we have questions without using a dictionary or guessing at words we don’t know.

•     Learning how to let our boys play without the wonderful parks we were so blessed with in Japan.  We’ve found a shopping center with a small playground that Tim takes the boys to once a week (or so), and Benjamin has started going to the 3 & 4 year-old preschool class two mornings a week for an hour. We’ve also been blessed with an apartment much larger than what we had in Japan, which really helps on those days that we’re inside all day.

•     Learning how to give back to the community by hiring someone one day a week to clean, play with the boys, and teach Tim about the culture. Enoch is the brother of another staff member’s house help and doesn’t have a job other than the one day a week he cleans for us. With the unemployment rate in Kenya over 50%, this is unfortunately the story of many.

•     Learning to adjust to new roles as Tim is home with the boys and Erin is back in the classroom teaching. Tim is really enjoying all the time he’s getting to spend with Benjamin & Michael, and Erin is enjoying teaching juniors and seniors again. Tim has decided that changing diapers is definitely better than lesson plans and grading essays! Meanwhile, Erin is very appreciative of the West Nairobi School (WNS) campus. Above you see the basketball court & football pitch (soccer field), the “bandas” or outdoor eating area, and the building with Erin’s classroom (2nd floor).

•     Loving seeing our two boys become friends! More and more they play together, “talk” to one another, and shower each other with hugs and slobbery kisses. Memories are certainly being made on a daily basis around here! We’re also hearing a whole new version of English become normal for Benjamin as he picks up British English and some Swahili. Lorries (trucks), biscuits (cookies), chips (fries), crisps (chips), nappies (diapers), trousers (pants), moja- mbili-tatu (one-two-three), simba (lion)… just to name a few.

•     Learning to cook all over again – how to cook when the power goes out, how to cook with our new oven that seems to burn everything, how to cook and eat fruits and veggies before they go bad. On the plus side, we’re AMAZED at how much produce we can get from a local market for under $5!!!

•     Learning to live with VERY inconsistent internet.  It’s amazing how much that can affect a person, but we really enjoyed having dependable, speedy internet in Japan.

Lots of changes, but many blessings as well.  We’re enjoying settling in to the new “normal” in Kenya, and seeing Benjamin & Michael adapt to yet another culture.  Excited to see what adventures await next…